My Life is Over [Part 1]

This blog I feel is for those out there in the same if not a similar situation to mine. Being a new mother I of course wanted to do everything perfectly, and one of those thing was to constantly search for new information. In doing this I picked up on a lot of tid-bits…but I’ll get into that another time. The point is, I noticed that there wasn’t any information I could find that made me feel like someone was in the same situation as me, or that i could connect with someone with some in my age bracket. Granted, I know that there are people out there in worse situations, and if you are I hope this can help you at least a little bit.

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I found out i was pregnant on August 11, 2011, my younger sisters birthday. Some weeks before this, my menstrual cycle was kinda out of whack. When i got my period (at least tats what i thought it was at the time) i noticed that it would last for an hour max and the be over. Sometime these big clots would be the result of it followed with some serious abdomen pain. I have always had an irregular cycle so i didn’t think much of it, plus i had just started a new method of birth control. One night I was at the movies with my boyfriend and during the previews as a passing thought, he looked at me and said ” You sure your not pregnant?” I smacked him and laughed in his face. As if! I would never get pregnant, I hate the way pregnant people look and i don’t even like kids. That was the end of that conversation. After that i notice i had put on some pounds, mind you i am a plus sized girl. Clothes just weren’t fitting or hanging the way they usually would. I passed this off as love pounds.[The weight you gain when your in a relationship and are comfortable with the person.]

Fast forward: August 11, 2011

I went to work as usual, happy that i had a morning shift so i could get the hell out super early. I got a weird feeling in my belly, like I had to go to the bathroom but with a slight twinge of pain. When i went to the bathroom i was bleeding like i usually was for the past weeks but for some reason that day it made me feel odd. I felt scared and nervous. I immediately called my boyfriend only to have him ask if i was pregnant, and for me to take a test. I didn’t deny him like usual. Instead I called plan- parent hood to make and appointment. When you call to make an appointment they always ask you why your making the appointment, I told her about my bleeding and my clots and she to me there wasn’t an appointment available for the 26th of that month but “it should like you may be possibly having a miscarriage.” WHAT? I thanked her a called my boyfriend back. Now I’m twitchy, scared, nervous, and panicky. I felt blind-sided. Now, not only could I be pregnant but in the process of a miscarriage, I needed a time out. I took an early break to get my head together and to get rid of the ‘feelin like I’m gonna cry’ feeling. I called Plan Parenthood again to see if the were doing walk-ins and what time.

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